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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29472246">afraid</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/w00hei/pseuds/w00hei'>w00hei</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TWICE (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cute, F/F, I dont know how to tag, Not Beta Read, Really cute, mentioning mental health, not an angst dont worry, sahyo, soft jihyo, soft sana, twice sahyo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:40:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,893</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29472246</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/w00hei/pseuds/w00hei</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>no matter how hard you try to escape from your love, she is always on one side of your heart, waiting for you to admit.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Minatozaki Sana/Park Jisoo | Jihyo, sahyo - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>afraid</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i dont know why I even wrote it but i thought i could do something nice lmaooooo. i wanted to share it because i wrote it????? is this even an excuse tho... please dont mind my mistakes, english isnt my mother language soooooo:(( pls leave me some comments so i can make it better and i still hope that maybe some of you can like this haha:(((, hope you enjoy, stillll!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Thoughts</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lots of thoughts. </em>
</p><p>They were all bothering Jihyo and she felt like she was drowning, it looked impossible for her to cope with them anymore. Her days were miserable, and actually, she wasn't paying attention to this, she only wanted to survive at some point. Things were all too much and no matter how hard she tried; she couldn't escape. <em>Jihyo was so in love with Sana</em>.</p><p>They were nothing at first, Jihyo said to herself but from the very beginning, she knew it was a lie. She was in love with Sana and Sana had no clue, she thought Jihyo was some girl from the Christian school that they were going, maybe a bit rebellious and pretty smart. Jihyo didn't come to her because the university was the only private one in their small town and the public schools didn't want Jihyo because she was the trouble itself even though her CV was the best among their all student, so she was trying to stay away from trouble, and she knew Sana was <em>the</em> trouble and the trouble came to Jihyo by its own. </p><p>Jihyo once punched someone in their face till they fainted, kicked someone out of her dorm room and also, punched her ex-boyfriend in the face because he was being rude to her friends, as she says, but it all happened when she was 15 and by 17, she realized she was being an asshole and a disgrace to her family, at least her family made her think like that.</p><p>When she met Sana, she realized she wasn't being herself, the past 3 years of her life was the life Jihyo's parents made Jihyo to live like and when Jihyo and Sana met, Jihyo was 20, Sana was 21. They were grownups and they thought, only Sana maybe, knew what they were doing. Sana was a lesbian, even the school itself knew that fact even it was a hard fact to swallow for a school like this, and Jihyo was bi-curious, but no one knew except Sana. Jihyo was always open for something new, she was a free mind, and when Sana came to her, asked for hanging out, she thought she was about to faint, she didn't realize she was paying that much attention to Sana. She didn't want to be that obvious so she acted like some church girl because Sana was in love with pure(!) stuff, even thinking of them was turning on Sana as Jihyo knew from her friends. Jihyo was having her time, lying wasn't something new to Jihyo and since Sana was someone like Jihyo, maybe worse, Jihyo never had to escalate things in her own way because Sana was always on her work, doing the devil's job. Jihyo never had to worry about things near Sana.</p><p>Jihyo, technically, was from a family that is very rich and she never had to face challenges about money until they rejected her, they found about the relationship between Jihyo and Sana and since they were a religious family, it was impossible for them to accept Jihyo as the way she is. When Jihyo opened up about this to Sana, crying, Sana only laughed and hugged her, saying things gonna be okay. Jihyo didn't want to believe her at first but she did anyways. She trusted Sana fully, always. </p><p>When Sana graduated from university, she immediatly started a company that were representing celebrities by the help of her family but Jihyo had one year left, she was working so hard to pay her fees even though she had money that she saved beforehand. Jihyo was the type that could never trust people, even though her most loved ones -except Sana-, so she knew, at some point, her family would give up on her. She didn't have so much to do in this small town, too, so she was able to save some money, but she didn't know she would spend it on the school she hated but she had no other choice, Jihyo needed a career. </p><p>When she graduated from university, Jihyo had just finished her senior year in one semester, invited Sana. She didn't show up. That night was a nightmare to Jihyo because she cried all night and her little friend group was trying to help her but since it was an important night in their lives, they weren't that successful, drinking some disgusting punch was still better than trying to make Jihyo better. </p><p>By the morning, Jihyo called Sana to check on her because she couldn't reach her the nighttime but she was still not answering any of her calls or messages. Jihyo started to worry and went to her apartment but Sana wasn't in her apartment and Jihyo didn't know where the Sana’s company were. Things were being too much for Jihyo in the past 2 years so the day she stopped seeing Sana was so so bad that Jihyo bursted into tears in front of Sana's door. She cried for a good amount of time, maybe for 3 hours as Jihyo remembers, but Sana didn't show up. Jihyo called Sana's company number and her assistant answered the phone, saying Sana was at some meeting and Jihyo wanted the address, she hung up on her. Past 1 week was so hard that Jihyo thought she was going crazy, she didn't know what was wrong and at some point, she thought Sana was dead and no one had the guts to say it to Jihyo. </p><p> </p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>When it was a really cold night, it was around 10 pm, Sana posted a photograph to her instagram. The background was her house and Jihyo knew she wouldn't pick her calls, so she went to Sana's house. She was trying to find the right words to say Sana on her way to the house, how much she cried or missed her, what did she wrong or what was going bad between them, but they were all nonsense, Jihyo knew that she would cry in her arms until she couldn't function, even breath. </p><p>When she knocked the door, she was excepting a Sana that was looking sad or at least ashamed but no, she was looking alright and maybe better than the other days. Jihyo was speechless as Sana was looking at her eyes, staring. </p><p> </p><p>"Hey, you okay?"</p><p> </p><p>Sana's sudden question brought her back to real world and Jihyo was pissed, it was a ridiculous question.</p><p> </p><p>"Are you kidding me? How can you except me to be<em> okay</em> when you didn't even bother to answer any of my messages for a fucking week? <em>What is happening, Sana?</em>"</p><p> </p><p>Jihyo was so angry that she couldn't find any words to say more than this, even these words were too much for her to say but her words seemed to don't have any impact on Sana because Sana was now laughing softly, her lips was curved into a beautiful and mocking shape.</p><p> </p><p>"I wasn't feeling well and when I don't feel well, you know how I am but still, I'm so sorry that you are worried, really."</p><p> </p><p>Jihyo was about to cry but she held back her tears, it wasn't the time.</p><p> </p><p>"Are you okay or is this some kind of joke because it should be, or I don't know what else to say."</p><p> </p><p>"Jihyo, I was always like this, it wasn't a problem when we were in college and now it is a problem? You attribute too much, really."</p><p> </p><p>Sana now started to look uncomfortable and tears were rolling down from Jihyo's cheeks, one by one, it was embarrassing. </p><p> </p><p>"I was able to see you every day even if you didn't talk to me but you know, I don't have that chance now Sana. You could tell me, and I would stop bothering you but instead, you sent a fucking photo to Instagram after disappearing for a week and now you are questioning my acts? What's wrong Sana? I'm really done for this week and I'm also disappointed that you didn't come to my graduation, even messaging a sorry was okay with me that mome- oh god, who am I talking to right? Like you can understand what I was going through all these days, you don't even care as I see."</p><p> </p><p>"Can you come inside; I don't want anyone to hear us."</p><p> </p><p>Jihyo was trembling like crazy and her tears were flowing down to the ground.</p><p> </p><p>"I don't want to come inside till you tell me what's going on. You owe me an explanation, Sana."</p><p> </p><p>Things went as Jihyo predicted and they fought for an hour, only for Jihyo to cry and Sana to get more angry. Sana was giving Jihyo evasive answers and Jihyo couldn't understand why but they stopped fighting after that one hour, Jihyo went to her house and cried for the whole night, it was the only thing that she could do at that moment.</p><p>Jihyo knew that they agreed to have a free relationship back then when they were in college and it meant if you didn't even see your girlfriend for two weeks, you would be okay or even if you see her hanging out with others, you would still be okay. They were only here for each other to feel good, nothing more, no strings attached but this relationship meant so much for Jihyo. Of course, Jihyo was the most affected by the consequences of this relationship and she knew it. </p><p>After two weeks of not talking, Sana called Jihyo and said that she wanted to meet her. Jihyo didn't accept it at first but she thought she was being ridiculous, she was missing Sana so much that she was checking their old photos for at least 2 hours in a day, scrolling through and nothing much. When she agreed to meet, Sana took them to a fresh and cute park, near the Han River. Jihyo was so happy that night, things were going so well because Sana even bought her favorite candy, a candy that was so bitter and coated with some cinnamon sugar.</p><p> </p><p>"Jihyo, I have something to tell you, but promise me you won't overreact. Promise?"</p><p> </p><p>Jihyo was confused at the sudden talk but she agreed anyways, she didn't know what was coming after that. She nodded but Sana was looking so uncomfortable. </p><p> </p><p>"Well, I'm taking it as a yes. Jihyo..."</p><p> </p><p>"Stop."</p><p> </p><p>Jihyo knew that face of Sana's. When Sana was about to say something she thinks as sad or annoying, she would always do that face to soothen or calm the other. Jihyo now knew what was happening, or at least she thought. </p><p> </p><p>"Who is she Sana? Or are you just bored... I really don't know anymore. Just say it."</p><p> </p><p>"Oh god, no Jihyo! Fuck, what are you thinking now? I'm not trying to give you a break up speech. I was an idiot for making you that worried and... I'm sorry for that Jihyo, you know that I'm really sorry for that but no, I'm not that stupid to break up with you. I was just trying to be sure, be sure that you were the same as me but I know I'm an idiot, I've gone too far."</p><p> </p><p>Sana looked so angry that her cheeks, even her ears, was turning into a some shade of red. Jihyo didn't understand what was happening but she felt so bad to tell her something like that but Sana was so confusing. </p><p> </p><p>"I don't know what's happening Sana, I really don't understand. I'm sorry but really, what is that?"</p><p> </p><p>Sana stayed silent for a moment and breathed some fresh air, the weather was so nice that even that late time of the night, some kids were hanging out with their parents or friends, throwing each other snowballs that are huge and laughing over this. It wasn't cold nor windy, it was perfect. You could still see some caffees open and people hanging in there. It was the nicest. </p><p> </p><p>"Jihyo... That one week of me acting reckless and all childish, it was all about you. I wanted to do that but I wasn't sure, I still don't know what's your answer gonna be. I thought if I ever came to your graduation, maybe I would ruin it because I don't know, I really don't know what's your answer gonna be. Even though I wasn't the best when I was with you, I'm still that stupid college girl but I'm gonna do it, at least I'm hopeful now."</p><p> </p><p>Now Sana was on her knees, snow brushing over her legs as the cold ground were piercing through, she was obviously trembling but not because of the could, becuase of the excitement. Her eyes were shiny, hands searching for something in her packets and Jihyo was only looking at her in shook, she wasn't even moving a bit. Sana looked so proud when she found the thing she was searcing for, a night blue box with a name on it. <em>Jihyo.</em></p><p> </p><p>"Park Jihyo, I'm the most stupid ever, I always do mistakes and never get to make myself give you some grownup apologies and I'm still that teen, but would you like to marry to that stupid but loving teen? Would you be with me forever?"</p><p> </p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>When Jihyo woke up from her dream, that moment was still in front of her eyes, she was sweating like crazy and her heart was pounding so bad that she tought she could die at that moment. She immediatly reached for her phone but she realized she was in a car, Sana's car. Sana didn't realize Jihyo was awake because her focus was on the road only. Sana was so sad that even her eyes was telling Jihyo stories. Sana was trying so hard to keep her tears from rolling down and her mouth was shut, nearly white from all that pressing. Jihyo was now crying at the back, silently, regretting her choice but still searching for apologies. Sana was even so kind to drop Jihyo at home even though Jihyo rejected her and wanted some time to think in a moment like that</p><p> </p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p> </p><p>When they arrived to Jihyo's home, Sana realized that Jihyo was awake now and they got out of the car, standing in front of Jihyo's home. Sana thought she needed to drive all night to forget about what happened that night. Jihyo was looking so sad but Sana knew Jihyo wouldn't change her decision, she was the most stubborn person ever. </p><p> </p><p>"Sana... Can you please look at me?"</p><p> </p><p>Jihyo's eyes were puffy from all that crying and Sana was no different at all. </p><p> </p><p>"You should go inside, it's cold now."</p><p> </p><p>"Can you kiss me?"</p><p> </p><p>"What?"</p><p> </p><p>Sana looked so confused that she wasn't moving even a bit, Jihyo had to reach her, pulling her into a kiss. She wrapped her arms around Sana's waist, got up on her toes. When their lips pressed, Jihyo was so jealous, so jealous that Sana had those lips to her but not for Jihyo all these years. Even though they kissed multiple times before that, it was different. Jihyo wanted all that lips to her, only to her. Sana's soft lips were something, something that Jihyo couldn't had enough. Staying like this for the rest of her life was something so charming at that moment but she had to pull, Sana was still confused, breathy but red. <em>So red. </em></p><p> </p><p>"I can't lose you Sana, you are my everything, my one and only but I can't marry you now, I'm not ready. I'm still not complete, still a child but nothing. All these years I thought I was nothing, to you, to my family and to the world. I was always blind, I never knew where to stop and where to talk, I've always made scenes, people sad and dramas. I still haven't learn my lesson and I can't marry you when I'm still the most childish person ever, forgive me Sana, I need you, I need you to get better and be the one that you really deserve, <em>please don't leave me...</em>"</p><p> </p><p>Their puffy and red eyes met, stayed like that for a short time but it was like years for Jihyo, she was so scared that Sana would leave her, maybe never want to see Jihyo again but Sana just laughed, until she couldn't breathe and Jihyo was looking at her, trying to understand what's going on. </p><p> </p><p>"Jihyo, you are really <em>that</em> blind to not see my love for you. How can I leave you? I won't force you to do anything, you can even wait till we are on our deathbed, but I would still be with you, no matter what."</p><p> </p><p>Sana cupped Jihyo's cheeks, she pressed their foreheads and gave Jihyo a kiss on her nose. They were so close again that Jihyo could feel Sana's unsteady breath and it was just... <em>nice. </em>Sana continued as they stayed like that. </p><p> </p><p>"I might be the bitch in this relationship Jihyo but only your annoying-ass bitch, nothing more nothing less. You can take all the time, <em>when everything seems hopeless just take one day at a time. and if one day becomes too much, just take one hour at a time. and if one hour becomes too much, then just take one minute at a time but with me, no matter what. I'll always wait for you.</em>"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I CANT BELIEVE YOU FINISHED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ur the best, please take care of yourself and stay safe, you are the cutest!:)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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